The book for February is "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" by Richard Schwartz
One of my favorite insights from this book is that we are responsible for our insecurities, vulnerability, and perceptions. Facing this truth, we become empowered to work through these
in a relationship without making our partner responsible for "fixing us". Richard S. states "When each partner has courageous love for the other, many of the chronic struggles most couples face melt away because each partner is released from being primarily responsible for making the other feel good. Instead, each knows how to care for their own vulnerability, so neither has to force the other into a preconceived mold or control the other's journey."
When we can acknowledge and care for our vulnerabilities, the relationship can be about two whole individuals coming together and allowing the relationship to be a place of secure learning, trust, and love. "Too often our partner becomes a life preserver, keeping our head above water in the dark sea of pain, shame and fear in which we float.... This kind of head-above-water happiness is unstable and easily disturbed. Our partner will buckle under the strain of holding us up, and the big waves (such as failure at work or criticism from parents) will wash over us no matter how hard our partner works to save us." (R.S)
In "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" the author says that "Intimacy is often defined as the ability to reveal all aspects of oneself to another and feel accepted. Because you aren't ashamed or afraid of your vulnerable parts, you can expose them to your partner and experience the joy of being fully known and witnessed by another..." As you become your primary caretaker, your partner can join you, supporting and loving you fully.
What are your thoughts about this?